Early morning, you said that we would surely go to INS at 10AM, then after 4 hours, you changed your mind, for your clients wanted more money from their ware fare. "We will go tomorrow. I have the whole morning booked for you." I smashed a glass against the wall.
Late afternoon, you called and said that we were meeting a lawyer tomorrow night. "Why? Aren't we going tomorrow morning?" "No, I might have an interview with the press." But my case is fucking a lot more urgent than any client of yours!
You showed me a stack of paper from the lawyer, trying to prove that I would be able to stay for sure.
You asked me to get a coffee from your office kitchen but I hate your kitchen, where empty alcohol bottles occupy every corner.
Your secretary wondered why I have grown thinner. "Why don't you eat more?"
Because it is not about food. I eat constantly from 3AM to 8PM, I eat more than usual, I eat more than most of the people. It is because I am at the edge of a breakdown, I stare at the ceiling for 10 hours a night, I am soaked in anger 24/7, I can't stand the wait, I don't want to have my case depended on your clients' greediness, or how much ethanol you pour in your body; because I scream in the middle of the street, and my period lasts two weeks...
"Aber wir haben uns."
Wir haben uns-- that is the best solace you can give?
"Ich habe dich lieb."
"Ich habe Toilettepapier gekauft."--I was never known as a romantic person.
"Wir schaffen das, weil du meine bist."
But when? And I don't feel like having a Kodak moment right now.
(Originally posted September 5, 2008 - Friday 02:24)
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