Simplicemente

(September 20, 2006 - Wednesday 13:58)

"I want to go to that city, oh I want to go to that city, being there is the wish of my life time; but when I have the time, I don't have the money; when I have the money, I don't have the time..." This was a pop song when I was in junior high, I used to try to sing it all the time but always ended up laughing so hard whilst not able to finish the version. The lyrics seemed ridiculous. That song suddenly popped into my head this afternoon, but I didn't laugh.

I didn't work tonight, they sent me off because I didn't have the right kind of shoes. The dress code requires black shoes and mine have three silver strips on them. I just bought them this afternoon right after school, for work, only for work. While I was walking back to my apartment, a sense of tiredness stroke me, despite that the fact that I didn't have to work today; but I felt so exhausted that I could have collapsed on the street. Thus, I spent a quiet evening home but I was bored. It is funny how that I had an evening off and I had no idea what to do. I sat in front of the TV and ate, watched more TV, ate more pasta, that was all. I should have read the newspaper maybe, I bought them last week and they are still neatly folded on the desk; I didn't even have time to take a glance at the headline. Do I really work on being a journalist, or is it only a city that I could never reach?

I didn't even attend my classes today, for some good excuses. I will leave you to judge. I had to go to two meetings concerning being in some classes as an audition and those procedures took ages. I eventually got the schedules for German and Italian classes and there were still a few political science courses that I was interested in while I had no idea where or when they start. So I went to the International Student Center, they sent me to Registration Office, who sent me to Department offices, who sent me to International Relationship Office, who sent me to another campus... so I took out the map, spent 20 minutes hiking up the hill and found them, the lady worked there sent me to the International Student Office downstairs... when I finally arrived, they closed the door and told me that it is 4:35, and they closed at 4:30. Nobody seemed to be able to answer my question: where can I get the validation of my diploma? So, I needed to go back again tomorrow in hope of catching them during their office hours. Sometimes they don't even open the door during the time they are supposed to be receiving students, so I have to be there when they are not on the phone, not flirting with a colleague, not having a snack, and feeling like doing their job.

Speaking of job. I recall that when I was working at Thor, I used to admire all the smiling people passing by and enjoying their staying; now I am technically job-less and admiring those who have one. At least they don't have worries about paying the rent or for the bread. I am working either 11 hours a day or not working at all. One of my former roommate told me that I still got mails from the old address. How did this happen? I paid 24 euros for them to change my address for 6 month! She is leaving in two days, and my another former roommate seems to be out of reach most of the time, who will get my mails after Thursday? Maybe that is why I never received my convocation for my residence card ( it is soooooooo very important ) or the deposit check from my internet service after I left them my modern. What more can I do to prevent losing my important mails? Finally tonight, I sat down and typed up a letter, addressing to a guy who wouldn't pay me back the 100 euros deposit that I gave him two months ago. I should have done it long time ago, but it is better late than never. Things are so incredibly out of balance, do I make my life complicated, or elements just get chaotic around me? Like my watch, it doesn't matter what kind of watch I wear, or even the time on my cell phone, it always goes faster. I put it 13 minutes faster to initial, but one month later, I ALWAYS find it 16 or even 18 minutes ahead. So, it is not me who control my situation then. Things just get complicated around my existence, and yet, the majority of my life, I have been trying to simply everything.

Or, have I? Wasn't I the one who decided to live in a foreign country? Wasn't I decided to get a job and a better education? The answer is no doubt affirmative, so take it like a man, too many people call me "sir" anyway.

{PS: Half a century ago, Chinese government wanted to simply the language, it took them 30 years to make it happen; French government is trying to simply the legal papers and the procedure ( the goal is to make the legal paper readable for a 14 years old school girl. Why "girl" not a "boy"? Go figure), and according to their progress, I might not to live to see it happen. }

Besides of the bureaucracy, there is phone. A 30 gram silver machine amazingly changes the color of your day. Yes, I confess, I speak much about it. And yes, here is another odd phone call I got, from someone I hadn't spoken for a really long time.

"Hello. How are you lately?"

"Hi..." I should know this voice, but it took me a while to recognize it," I am fine. You?"

"There are two people died while working in the factory. You know that one I was managing."

"Oh..." Should I have at least said:" I am sorry to hear that."???

"I might go to..."

"Oh..." Should I have said again :" I am sorry to hear that too"???

Not sure what the rest of the conversation was about... something on weather and driving... the reception was bad... my accent was bad... blah blah blah.... Why didn't I at least say :" I am sorry to hear that"???

I lit two candles tonight. One for my grandpa, I need some guiding; another for the families that just lost their loved ones, although I don't know them.

"Good night to you, good night to me, good night to the ones I haven't met... simply..." ("Simplicemente" by Zero Assoluto )