September 8, 2006 - Friday 17:00
Smile, you are on air
I am not a big fan of group-emailing. I would much prefer to send emails to individuals individually considering keyboard is already a lot less personal then hand writing. But being deprived from time and internet, this is the most efficient way to keep you updated on me and stay in touch with everyone.
Summer is slipping away as I sleep in the daytime serving in the nighttime. I could hardly recall what sunshine looked like if I hadn't had two days off, yesterday and today. I was trying to make the best out of this precious 48 hours but my body was so used to be up until 6am that I am not able to readjust my bio-clock anytime soon. Yes, I am still taking sleeping aids. This odd work-rest rhythm is surely to be a hazard when the school starts, in couple of weeks. Do I continue to live like a vampire to have some spare change in the pocket or do I choose to struggle financially for some time for myself, my studies and my friends?
Tried to see if I grew any muscle by working in such a physical demanded place, then I found out I can't make a fist with my left hand. But if I could, I am sure I am 3/10 way up to have a little mouse on my bicep like I dreamt of. I took a walk with a friend last night, after having a great Indian dinner and ice cream, and while we were sitting in front of the sea, I realized how much I missed the time like this, being able to just sit and listen to the waves with no alarm clock set up for work. Then I re-asked myself if this was the place I want to be.
Right after ice cream, I needed to use the restroom, so I asked the ice cream place, the owner said :"NO." I tried to enter a pub next to it, they said :"The pub is full tonight." No it wasn't, hardly anyone sat on the terrace. The third one that we tried to enter was one of the popular ones, right before I reached the sign :"Toilette" a guy BLEW WHISTLE at me! Even there was a live band playing! Everyone started laughing at me so I turned around the left the place. At the door, he said:" This is King's Pub's toilette! Not the toilette over there. You buy some drinks, then you can use it." I walked pass him without saying a word, but in my head, I played out my scene: I would slap 5 euros in hid face and say loudly: " Keep your beer and the change!" I then took his whistle and blew it on his face for 10 seconds straight:" You do that to a dog. Now, BARK! Oh by the way, it is "THERE", not "zere", you can't pronounce "th" sound can you, cheap doggy?"
I ended up returning to my work place for the bathroom. And if I were a journalist already, my hidden camera would catch the whole whistle scene and he is going national!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got back to my apartment, I kept thinking what my friend said to me about this place being beautiful or not. On a clear day, if you stand at the top of the castle and look down, the view will take your breath away; this magnificent blue is what kept me going on the 10 hours non-break shift. I sit on the beach and watch the blue for one hour during my break (we have one hour break during 11 hour shift). It is the sea brings people to this town, it is the sea make those pubs and restaurants rich, but under this sugar-coded beauty, it is sea-load of exploitation and arrogance, it is sea-load of sexy-dressed cocktail waitresses who serve you with smiley lips and painful eyes.
Lying in my bed but with my eyes wide open. My brain refused to shut down as usual. Millions of thoughts zapped through but I didn't seem to be able to catch or finish any of them. Buzzed a friend in the States directly from my cell phone. Yes, I could afford a 5 minutes conversation, I just got paid two days ago.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, everything is alright, how are you?"
"Why aren't you sleeping at 4 in the morning? I can hear from your voice, something is wrong."
"No, everything is alright, how is your restaurant in Portland?"
"We are opening in two weeks. Get a visa and come here, I promise to give you a job."
"Uh huh."
"Zaffiro said hi, I want to get him a Zaffira!"
"Don't pick on my bird, he is territorial."
"I am going to cook him with rice tomorrow night, give me your new address, I will send you half."
"I dare you touch my Zaffiro. Yes, I sent you my new address."
"Get a visa and come back. Do you still like France?"
"Yeah, I do. I gotta go, my battery is dying. Call me this weekend ok?"
"I will try. But you know I am really busy with the new restaurant."
"I know."
I got up from bed, lit a candle for my ancestor and a lavender incense hoping it would relax my mind. Even with double glazed window, I can still hear people washing the streets and motor vehicles passing by. Comparing to those who never left their own countries, I am so lucky; but I found myself spending most of my time chasing after a residence's permit, why are we spending our life time fighting for that piece of plastic? If I were having an European passport, would my perception about the world be any different? Maybe I would be a journalist by now, maybe I wouldn't have such a sleeping problem, maybe I would never learnt to appreciate the privileges of holding certain identity cards, maybe I would be one of those make others serve while I arrogantly give out the commands. I guess we can never find out any of those "what if"s, but I know, with or without an Euro ID, I enjoy the life of becoming more and more independent and I appreciate all of my experiences, sweet or sour.
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August 29, 2006 - Tuesday 16:33
Some of them want to abuse you
Current mood:RAGE
Got back to the apartment from work about 4:30AM. The customers trashed the place as usual. I was dead tired; but I couldn't fall asleep, I was thinking about going to the Prefecture again in the morning to get some paper work straighten out, like my titre de sejour and my work permit.
I arrived at the Prefecture around 8:30AM (it takes about one hour to get there by bus). Because of the sleeplessness, I was in no mental state to deal with anything heavy. But the line was soooooooooo long, even though the office doesn't open until 9am, there were already so many people outside waiting. I waited for 3 hours or more, when I finally got to talk to someone, she simply shrugged the shoulder and said:" You are too late." It was 11:43, they only work from 9:00-11:30. Then, I found out that they FORGOT to register me under the renewal of my residence's card, so I had to start the process all over. THIS IS MY IDENTITY CARD YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!How can they abuse people like this? When we are getting deported and we don't even know why!!!!!!!!!! How could they live with their conscious? How can they sleep, or eat, or have orgasm? I was so angry that I could just dissect someone with a steak knife.
Got a call from my bank, since when I permitted them to sell me shit on my cell phone? Fuck. Post office to change my address, they didn't let me rent a PO BOX because I don't own a company. What the hell!? I was so tired that I couldn't fill out the form correctly.
Ok, nothing had gone right from 4 AM, what else could go wrong? I felt sick, my left shoulder popped, and my wrist hurt like hell. I could hardly move them, too bad this is the arm we use to carry trays. For the headache? I used 3 aspirins, and I drank 6 shots of very strong espresso before going to work. My entire body was held out my caffeine. I was that close to call in sick. Maybe I should have.
Two hours after work, I didn't feel so hot and I almost puked in the bathroom. Then, I couldn't move my shoulder or my arms very well because they hurt really bad and maybe some nerves were damaged a couple of years ago.... you know...I couldn't even pick up a cup right. Anyway, I managed it all night, dragged the chairs in and out, set up the terrace, cleaned AAAAAAA LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT, and of course, took all the orders and carried them out like I was told on the left side of the terrace. Finally, I saw the light of the tunnel, I could almost leave this slavery. The manage came in and said:" You have only 800 euros in your til, look at Karol, she has 1400! Either she is too good or I am paying you less! FIX THAT TOMORROW!!!!" Since when all the waitress work there have the have this fucking competition on how much money we take from customers? I didn't have lots of people on my side and they didn't order anything expensive like hers did, a few bottle of vodka would boost up the til truly fast ( they sell it at 80 euros-90 euros a bottle). I guess I may get fired soon. We had another girl working here since last night, the manage said her til was only 50 euros less than mine, and she is new. WELL, me too! I have TWO DAYS more experience than she does! And this is my FIRST waitressing job for fuck sake. I was sick, I couldn't hold a tray straight. WHY the co worker's tils have to be a competition now? And how am I suppose to fix this tomorrow? Do I have a certain amount of money I need to make for the fucking pub? Maybe if I called in sick I would be like this.This wasn't a good day, actually it was a really fucking shity day and I was at the edge of explosion and the dick head manager just poked my bubble. I took the abuse from the Prefecture and now I have to take it from work, not counting and a Polish bitch was making me do all this cleaning and scrubbing while she was behind the counter polishing her finger nails! PS: My shirt was in the closet wasn't my fault! My co worker borrowed it and she put in it! So, ask first and then give the punishment. How could you pay me any less? I am getting paid 5 euros an hour doing opening to closing, only hour break in a 10-11 hours shift. Have they ever thought about humanity? In the States, it is illegal to make people work continuously more than 5 hours, and I couldn't have time to drink water!
I don't care anyone calls me a druggy, I just popped my sleeping pills and I need some rest. It is so sad that after 11 hours' physical work and I am deadly tired while fail to fall asleep. I am working 9 days in a roll. I will get my first break at the beginning of Sep, for two days.
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